Tips for Keeping Your Small Group Discussion on Track

We’ve all been there. One minute our small group is talking about what it means to be a living sacrifice from Romans 12:2. The next we’re talking about Susan’s lunch the other week. Maybe we’re about 45 minutes into an hour-long group and we have yet to talk about anything that was in the study. Or we’ve been meeting for four weeks, and the last three have turned into marriage counseling sessions for Carol. Perhaps suddenly you find your group discussing the appropriateness of bikinis at the pool, or whether a certain music group is really “Christian.”

Herding Cats and Dodging Bunny Trails

Maybe you’ve been the leader in these groups, and you have experienced the challenge of keeping the discussion on topic and engaging. Possibly you’ve been in a group where someone has that knack for bringing the discussion back around. It’ll stray for a moment, but like a cowboy with a lasso the leader skillfully redirects – and the group hardly even recognizes it.

What makes the difference? This is a question I get asked all the time. How do I get my group back on track? Is there a way to prevent the “rabbit trails” from forming in the first place?

Tip 1: Set the tone early in your small group

One simple way to easily address this is to hold an introduction or orientation meeting. This is a chance for you to give some guidelines for your discussion. Mention to the group that your goal for the hour that you are together is to discuss what we have all studied together. In addition, ask them not to bring up outside research during your discussion. They are, of course, free to dig as deep as they want on their own. In our discussion, though, we do want to make sure our discussion stays in a place where everyone can contribute.

Setting this expectation up front helps to prevent anyone from feeling singled out. This will also help prevent trouble from controversial topics that the group is not prepared to discuss according to the scriptures.

Limitations can be liberating

You may want to pray about setting limitations even on the application portions of your discussion. There was a time when I asked the small group leaders in my women’s ministry to prohibit any discussion of politics. Our study at that time could easily have led to these types of discussions. Unfortunately, though, they would have been disruptive to the group and brought unnecessary division.

This was a ground rule each group set up during their first time together. That way, if it came up later, we had already addressed it and could quickly re-address the situation. We could remind the group that we are not going to bring that topic up at this time, and quickly redirect the discussion.

Tip 2: Start and end your small group on time

I’ll be honest – I struggle with this. I enjoy the chit-chat that generally opens up a group. But I remember one leader I sat under who had fantastic control of her group discussion. She started exactly when the group was supposed to start and skillfully kept the group discussing the main points of the discussion. Even more incredibly, she ended a few minutes early without anyone feeling like we missed anything. I was in awe.

Honoring their time encourages your group to honor your discussion

Starting and ending on time communicates that you are being intentional with the time that the group has committed to the discussion. I can guarantee you that in any group you lead there will be some who are very time-conscious. They appreciate leaders who will respect their time.

When you start on time and end on time you are modeling for the group what you would like to see from them. We are here, for this time, for this purpose. What happens before and after is entirely up to them. What happens during that time from beginning to end is what the group has agreed to come together to discuss.

So you’ve set the tone and established the time and purpose of your discussion. But what about in the moment? When you are in the middle of a discussion and you feel like you are losing control?

Tip 3: Pray

Perhaps this should be top of the list! As you recognize the discussion is going off kilter, shoot up a little “Help me, Lord” Nehemiah prayer. You are not leading this group alone. The Spirit is with you, helping you, guiding you as you guide your group. Ask Him to show you how to jump in and redirect. And be sensitive to His leading.

Every so often it will turn out that this off-topic conversation IS actually His plan for the discussion. Generally, when that happens, the off-topic conversation is gospel-centered. It may be evangelistic in nature. Or it is dealing with a unique one-time crisis situation where the group works together as a body to encourage or exhort. When this happens, you will have confidence and peace from the Spirit that this is what the group needs at the moment.

However the majority of the time, as you pray the Lord will help you bring the conversation back around.

Tip 4: Be the next voice

Sometimes, it seems like one person will talk for a very long time, taking over the conversation. If this happens, when whoever is speaking pauses for a breath, jump in. Make sure your voice is the very next one heard. Do this even if you have to politely speak over whoever else is trying to speak at the moment. As the leader, this will help you take control of the discussion again. But what do you say when you jump in?

Tip 5: Validate what is being said

Never make anyone feel poorly for speaking in your group, even if they led the group down an off-topic path. You might say something like “thanks for sharing – but let’s get back to Philippians for now.” Or “Hold that thought – we can chat about that later.” Another thing your could say is, “That’s a great thought, but let’s stick to what we’ve studied this week.” Be positive and affirming, and sensitive to the situation.

As you develop relationships with your group members you’ll have a better understanding of how to handle each individual. I’ve had some group members whom I could be far more direct with than others, even interrupting sooner, because of the relationship I have with them. Others are more sensitive, and an abrupt response would shut them down from ever speaking again. Again – depend on the leading of the Spirit as you navigate this.

Tip 6: Look for a connection point

There are two ways to handle finding a connection point. One is to simply listen very carefully to what is being said. Listen for a way to connect the conversation to something in the lesson. This could be either something that the group has already talked about or something to come.

Even if the connection is a bit of a stretch, this could corral the conversation and bring it back. You may even be able to turn the off-topic conversation into an illustration that connects to the study. As I’ve said before, this is why prayer is a key component of leading. While you are listening, pray that the Spirit would show you the connection – and when He does, jump in.

Turn the distraction into an opportunity

Another way to handle finding a connection point is a little more direct and needs to be handled carefully, but can be a powerful way to help your group think through application. As you notice the conversation going off-track, simply ask “so what was it in the lesson that made you think of this?” or “What did we study this week that would speak to this?” Help them find the breadcrumbs that led them off-track, and walk them back through.

BE SURE NOT TO ASK THIS IN A WAY THAT EMBARRASSES THEM OR CALLS THEM OUT. Instead, use this as a critical thinking application exercise. As before, this is where your efforts to build relationships in the group will pay off, especially as you get to know how each group member thinks and can give them an opportunity to share their thought process.

Tip 7: Call out the Bunny Trail

Honestly, this is one of the easiest ways to redirect the discussion, but it does require a certain sense of humor and a relationship with your group to be this direct. You’ve already set the tone and expectation in your first meeting as you were introducing the study, so it may be easy to jump in with a pointed redirection.

I had a group that I had led for several years, and after a while they started to recognize the bunny trails as well. Because I had a relationship with them, I could give a little “bunny hop” with my hand and they’d laugh and we’d get back on track, particularly when the rabbit trail was obvious and non-emotionally charged – like “Hey, did you see that movie???” Be sensitive, of course. You never want anyone to feel embarrassment or shame. Often a sense of humor and clear leadership can make the group more connected and secure.

Tip 8: Keep advice to a minimum

People come to small groups with all kinds of situations going on in the background. Once of the greatest challenges in leading a small group can be walking a group through application of a text while also not allowing the group to become a counseling session for any individual member of the group (with the exception of the very occasional Spirit-led situation).

People are going to share their struggles. This is something we WANT to happen in the group. What we also want is to help THEM apply the Scripture to THEIR struggle. Lead them to how the Lord is speaking to their struggle from what we are studying. It’s common for others in the group to add their opinions and experiences to Scripture. And it will be tempting for YOU as a leader to want to share Biblical advice.

A small group discussion is NOT a counseling session

Allowing the discussion to become a counseling session is one of the most common ways a discussion gets off-topic, and it is a situation that needs to be handled with wisdom and grace. If continuing the discussion would be awkward, offer to pause for prayer. This acknowledges the situation, models taking it to the Lord, and shows the group member that you care. Generally, after prayer, you will be able to gracefully bring the group back to the topic at hand.

If the situation is one that the lesson speaks readily to, you can ask the group, “What did we look at this week that speaks to this?” This can be a powerful opportunity to show the power of the Living Word. Depending on the situation, you may gently acknowledge the situation and mention that you would be willing to chat after the group discussion – remembering that your role is as a listener and a prayer warrior.

Tip 9: Keep the gospel in the center

Some people in the group will lean toward legalism – often disguised as moralistic standards of “goodness.” Others will lean toward licentiousness – often disguised as misappropriation of grace or an echo of the “cult of self” that the world has bowed the knee to. Keep the gospel in the center of your discussion.

As you prepare to lead a group, fully understand what Paul is teaching in Romans 14, and be able to apply that to your group in grace when personal opinions threaten to divide. Also understand what Paul is saying in Romans 6, and Galatians 5. Meditate on these chapters, and know how to apply them in your group.

Know the gospel, Preach the gospel

We are saved by grace, through faith in Jesus, a faith that is demonstrated and evidenced by repentance and surrender to Jesus as Lord. We are to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength, and to love one another as Christ has loved us. We no longer live in the “cult of self” that the world promotes, but in humility and sacrifice. We are loved by God Himself with an undying, faithful love that will never fail us, and it is in His love that we find our satisfaction and motivation.

Tip 10: Remember WHY your small group is gathering

Your group has a purpose in gathering together. The Lord is working in their lives through this study, and the discussion is a huge part of what He is doing. Discussion time is their opportunity to talk through what they’ve studied, to share their insights with others, and to gain clarity and understanding. It’s a time to reinforce truths and to reason through the Scriptures together, each one building on what the others are saying.

As 1 Corinthians 12 says, we are a body, working together, each with various gifts and strengths that contribute to one another. As Philippians 2 and Ephesians 4 say, we are coming together with one mind, one spirit, and in full accord with a unified purpose of knowing the Lord and growing in our walk. This requires humility, and seeing others as “more important than yourself.”

Cast the vision!

You as the leader need to be convinced of the power of group discussion, and the purpose of your group coming together. Your role is to cast this vision to the group and to maintain the purpose of your gathering, so they can experience the joy of this community of the Spirit around the Word of God.

One Bonus Tip: Give yourself grace

Look, sometimes it’s just not easy to get a group back on topic. It’s ok. As a new leader, I had a few so-called “discussions” that lasted HOURS. We had a fantastic time. My group was, in reality, a couple of good friends. And in those hours, we may have spent all of 10 minutes talking about anything related to the lesson at hand. Once it was time for everyone to go home, I would walk them to the door, and then fall on my knees in tears asking the Lord what happened and how can I grow as a leader, and apologizing for how that whole discussion went.

We are ALL growing. That leader that I met who had firm control of her group had been leading for decades. Her personality was strong. And she was leading a group of other leaders who knew to follow her lead. I can guarantee she has stories of how the Lord taught her to guide a discussion over the years.

Humility is Key

Stay humble, stay on your knees, and be willing to receive the Lord’s encouragement as well as His mercy. He is strengthening you, and He will allow situations to come up in your group to teach and grow YOU. The next discussion is a new opportunity. The next study is a chance to start stronger. There IS a NEXT TIME.

And most importantly, even the times you feel like you failed, the Lord is still there – He is a REDEEMER. He will work it for good. Let it go, and press on, faithful servant!

Looking for a study that will take your group deep into the Word? One that allows God’s Word to speak for itself, focusing on the text of the Bible, guiding your group through the process of transformational in-depth study? Check out Treasuring God’s Word Inductive Bible Studies! Flexible, engaging, challenging, designed for new believers and experienced students alike, with a heart for God’s Word to take center stage!

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Have you tried any of these ideas? Do you have any other ways of redirecting a discussion? leave your thoughts in the comments

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